My Gift To Myself

I’m taking today to feel sorry for myself. I have spent the last 2 months trying to make everyone else feel better, pretending all is normal, this is just a temporary blip ..but it is exhausting. I’m tired, sad and scared. This isn’t normal. This isn’t just an ordinary Christmas. In 4 days I start chemotherapy. The better part of the upcoming year will be spent fighting cancer and how many years afterwards will be spent worrying that it’s come back?  Tomorrow I will put on a happy face and on the 27th I will begin my journey to survivorship, but today I am going to cry and be pissed and give myself a splitting headache. Later on after I’ve ruined a few batches of cookies I am going to have a big extra dry martini.  Merry Christmas.



  1. Susan · December 23, 2011

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am not going to tell you to cheer up, we are all human and go through these days from time to time. Having said that I do hope you have a lovely Christmas and good luck with your first chemo session. I will be there with you in spirit. Merry Christmas!


  2. Herdy · January 11, 2012

    Hi, I had a similar christmas experience – got diagnosed with a rare form of kidney cancer 2 days before christmas. I have chemo to look forward to – my oncologist is just trying to figure out what concoction to put me on – I have just started a blog as well – find I can be strangely honest. ( I wish you all the best xx


    • mainelyhopeful · January 11, 2012

      I will follow you as well. Good luck with your treatment. It’s quite a ride.


  3. Rainbow Ribbon · February 25, 2012

    I’m in the biopsy phase, and I can already relate to this. I spend so much time reassuring others and explaining “exactly what the doctor said” over and over. It is exhausting! I’m glad you took a day for yourself.


    • mainelyhopeful · February 26, 2012

      Good luck with your journey. I’ll be following and rooting for you 🙂


      • Rainbow Ribbon · February 26, 2012

        Thanks! Things should get started at a quicker pace this week. I have been referred to the Cancer Institute at the hospital an hour north of us. Apparently they have all the equipment and knowledge to do what needs to be done and get me some much needed answers. My first biopsy was a joke… and not something I want to repeat. I will be keeping an eye on you too. Good luck!


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