I’ve had a few messages lately from people who only know me through this blog. I’ve been MIA. I guess when you start a blog because of a diagnosis like cancer and then disappear people wonder. I know I do and I’m always happy to see posts from the bloggers I follow. I have been reading regularly and commenting a bit, just haven’t had a lot to say, so here goes.
On the cancer front, as far as I know I’m still cancer free. I’ll know more after my upcoming 6 month check, but I don’t anticipate any bad news. I feel pretty good.
As for the rest of my life let’s see. I took a job, hated it, quit and decided to spend my time and cash building up my little business. That’s going really well and keeping me busy. The downside (and reason I took the aforementioned hated job) is the isolation of working at home. I’ve done it for years but didn’t live alone as well. I’m a self admitted home body so I’ve made an effort to get out more. Weekly dinner and drinks with friends. Biweekly breakfast with another friend. Spending time with each of my parents and my husband’s mother each week and as much time with my girls as they can spare. I’ve made two trips to Texas . I’ve joined a group dedicated to helping teen mothers make a good start in life and I belong to another group of ladies who fund raise for local charities. Both fun groups with a lot of really nice ladies. I look forward to the meetings. I help a friend out occasionally with her catering business. Keeping busy.
On the home front, I have been having a lot of work done on the house. I don’t feel the need to move as much as I did at first, but I doubt I will be here forever and why only fix it up to sell? I want to enjoy the results while I’m here. I will admit this winter nearly did me in. I felt tested every damn day for one reason or another (me and every one else, huh?) You would think I’d be happy to see summer but there are too many upcoming anniversaries and I would be happy to sleep through until Fall. June 1st would have been our 29th wedding anniversary, June 6th is the one year anniversary of his death. July 10th is the 2nd anniversary of my sister’s death but I never marked the first in any significant way.I was still reeling from losing my husband. I will officially be through all the “firsts” though. I’ll let you know if that makes it any easier.
My mom and I were buying flowers the other day. I loaded up on baskets and flats. We were chatting back and forth and talking about what we should get for the cemetery. She picked something for my sister and I picked something for my husband. And it felt normal, which made me feel slightly sick to my stomach.
I’ve been slipped the senior discount a few times. I see the double takes and the questioning looks and I silently dare them to ask. One kid was all of 17 and when I said “don’t be fooled by the hair” he laughed and I was happy to pay full price. When they don’t ask and give me the discount I say nothing. One woman asked me the other day and it was the first time I was offended. She was at least my age and had about a half inch of gray roots showing. I wanted to ask if she thought that bad dye job was fooling anyone. I’m not giving in and dying my hair but I think I will let it grow long and wild. I’m hoping for the aging hippie look. I’ll probably end up with more of a crone vibe.
This post is all over the place, much like my mind these days. Sorry.
How am I doing? I’m doing well, finding my footing. Thanks for asking. How are you doing?
mainelyhopeful 
Glad you are back!
LikeLike
I never really went anywhere. Just been stalking.. I mean reading.. the rest of you 😉
LikeLike
Thinking of you on this difficult day. xoxo Rach
LikeLike
Ty, Rachael ❤
LikeLike
Thank you for updating. I think of you often even though we’ve only met in blogs. Congrats on the new adventures you have taken on and hope the home business continues to grow.
LikeLike
Thanks!
LikeLike
I thought about your blog just last week. I enjoy reading your words. I keep up with you in other social media, but the posts are not detailed like they are here. Join me in growing your hair long and wild. Help me bust the myth that women over 50 have to have short, beauty shop hair and have to look like grandmas.
LikeLike
I think Jeaner needs to be in on this too!
LikeLike
All over the place? It’s supposed to be what ever the hell you want it to be. It’s your life that has been interrupted in so many bad ways, so you have the right to be all over the place or straight as an arrow. If it gives you any sort of peace or comfort, good! If not find something that does. I enjoy reading your blogs. Keep it going as often as you wish and any subject you wish.
LikeLike
Thanks, John!
LikeLike
Good to see you — glad to hear you’re doing well.
LikeLike
Thank you 🙂
LikeLike
Welcome back, thank you for the update, and happy to know you are feeling better.
LikeLike
Thanks, Sistah!
LikeLike
I loved it. I think it’s time for you to write a book.
LikeLike
Biggles? ha! ❤
LikeLike
Thank you for the update. While we have only met through blogging, I feel like I know you (at least part of you), and I have felt your pain along with you. I have thought of you often. I’m glad to hear that you are able to keep busy. I know for me, after the loss of my mom in February, keeping busy has kept me sane. You sound like you are doing as well as anyone could expect, and I appreciate your checking in and letting us know. We do care. Warm regards, Michele
LikeLike
Thanks, Michele. I know you “get it”. We have more than a few parallels in our lives, don’t we?
LikeLike
That’s great about the business! What kind of business is it? I’d love to find something to do at home that would actually be profitable. I”m glad you’re staying busy and enjoying life.
LikeLike
I have a little on line business selling baby items on a few different venues. It’s a cheerful business to be in 🙂
LikeLike
Susan, it’s always good to hear from you. It sounds like you are doing lots to help yourself heal from many deep wounds. Xoxoxo.-Elizabeth
LikeLike
I’m trying, Elizabeth. All we can do, huh?
LikeLike
Thank you for the update. Sending good vibes for this anniversary time. You really have been through it. Be kind and gentle with yourself.
LikeLike
Thank you xo
LikeLike
so glad you posted, it’s great to hear from you! moving forward from all you have been through ain’t easy, but it sounds as if you have been doing the work to keep putting one foot in front of the other AND finding contentment where you can. Karen xo
LikeLike
Thanks, Karen xo
LikeLike
So good to hear your words again. You really have an amazing way of expressing yourself, and your humour is unbeatable. Wish I owned a publishing company – I would be honoured to handle your books!!
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
The movement we all waited for and longed is our last treatment and when it is done, we can’t believe it is here. Getting back to life without treatment and embracing everyday struggles can rekindle uneasy thoughts at times. Take for instance it took me 1 year to decide if I should dye my hair, that was developing a little gray streaks. I finally had the nerve to do it, this weekend. (black is back, and I love it) Years ago, I never would have to think is dying my hair a bad decision or not or asking my oncologist if it is safe to do so!!! Even though I did dye my hair, the fear of cancer from any cause swirls in the back of my mind. I refuse to let the cancer be front and center any more, it can stay hidden in the back of my conscious for good. And only surface when it can beneficial.
LikeLike
I’ve been dying for years and years before chemo and for the last 5, at least, I said if I could go gray without the growing out pains of gray/white roots and dark hair I would. Careful what you wish for, huh? 😉
LikeLike
Susan! Sooo great to see your update! Sending you heartfelt hugs as always. Hoping the firsts in June will be bearable knowing that we are all thinking of you with quiet, understanding hugs. I’m proud of you ~ keep smiling. xo
LikeLike
xo
LikeLike
I’m so glad I found your blog again! It’s not connected to your Gravatar profile so I can’t ever click to it. I found you again on cancer kitten’s blog. YAY to find you again!
LikeLike
Me too 🙂
LikeLike
Its good to see you back and to hear you’re doing well. You’re in my thoughts xoxo
LikeLike
thank you 🙂
LikeLike
I know you don’t blog regularly any more, but I still wanted to nominate you for the Very Inspirational Blogger Award. Your writing has always inspired me, and you have handled so much pain with grace. Check out my page for more info: http://lightscanceraction.wordpress.com/
I hope you are well.
LikeLike
Thank you so much ❤
LikeLike
The abitily to think like that shows you’re an expert
LikeLike