Scorchy asks what now? How do you deal with the lull in treatment, survivorship…I was stage 2, grade 3 with lymph node involvement. I did the full gamut of treatment, surgery, chemo, radiation and now Tamoxifen. While I was undergoing “active” treatment (for some reason I don’t see Tamoxifen as active.. maybe proactive?) I felt empowered and very positive. For several months after my active treatment ended I felt anxiety that it would come back. I’m finally (sort of) past that but the only way I can finally move on is to stop identifying myself as a breast cancer patient or even survivor. In my mind I am someone who had cancer and now I don’t. That is always subject to change, but for now it works.
Call me crazy, but ever since I got the good news that my lung lesions and all of the lymph nodes in the chest and right axilla resolved I have been a little lost. Weird, right?
The first six months of my diagnosis was a crisis flash point. I was thrown into doctors offices, presented with tests, medical interpretations, treatment options. It took over my life. I made a point of telling all of my friends because I thought it would help me to accept things and move forward. It did, but then I didn’t anticipate managing that information network. Then there were more physicians, more options, and the crisis of severe pain from that Tamoxifen induced tumor flare. More drama as it slowly pushed me away from my work and the consequences of having to admit my limitations and hand important work over to others. At the close of…
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