How am I doing?

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I’ve had a few messages lately from people who only know me through this blog.  I’ve been MIA.  I guess when you start a blog because of a diagnosis like cancer and then disappear people wonder. I know I do and I’m always happy to see posts from the bloggers I follow. I have been reading regularly and commenting a bit, just haven’t had a lot to say, so here goes.

On the cancer front, as far as I know I’m still cancer free. I’ll know more after my upcoming 6 month check, but I don’t anticipate any bad news. I feel pretty good.

As for the rest of my life let’s see. I took a job, hated it, quit and decided to spend my time and cash building up my little business. That’s going really well and keeping me busy.  The downside (and reason I took the aforementioned hated job) is the isolation of working at home. I’ve done it for years but didn’t live alone as well.  I’m a self admitted home body so I’ve made an effort to get out more.  Weekly dinner and drinks with friends. Biweekly breakfast with another friend. Spending time with each of my parents and my husband’s mother each week and as much time with my girls as they can spare. I’ve made two trips to Texas to see my son’s family (it’s their turn to come here!). I’ve joined a group dedicated to helping teen mothers make a good start in life and I belong to another group of ladies who fund raise for local charities.  Both fun groups with a lot of really nice ladies.  I look forward to the meetings. I help a friend out occasionally with her catering business.  Keeping busy.

On the home front, I have been having a lot of work done on the house. I don’t feel the need to move as much as I did at first, but I doubt I will be here forever and why only fix it up to sell? I want to enjoy the results while I’m here.  I will admit this winter nearly did me in. I felt tested every damn day for one reason or another (me and every one else, huh?)  You would think I’d be happy to see summer but there are too many upcoming anniversaries and I would be happy to sleep through until Fall.  June 1st would have been our 29th wedding anniversary, June 6th is the one year anniversary of his death. July 10th is the 2nd anniversary of my sister’s death but I never marked the first in any significant way.I was still reeling from losing my husband.    I will officially be through all the “firsts” though.  I’ll let you know if that makes it any easier.

My mom and I were buying flowers the other day. I loaded up on baskets and flats. We were chatting back and forth and talking about what we should get for the cemetery. She picked something for my sister and I picked something for my husband. And it felt normal, which made me feel slightly sick to my stomach.

I’ve been slipped the senior discount a few times.  I see the double takes and the questioning looks and I silently dare them to ask. One kid was all of 17 and when I said “don’t be fooled by the hair” he laughed and I was happy to pay full price. When they don’t ask and give me the discount I say nothing.  One woman asked me the other day and it was the first time I was offended. She was at least my age and had about a half inch of gray roots showing.  I wanted to ask if she thought that bad dye job was fooling anyone. I’m not giving in and dying my hair but I think I will let it grow long and wild.  I’m hoping for the aging hippie look. I’ll probably end up with more of a crone vibe.

This post is all over the place, much like my mind these days. Sorry.

How am I doing? I’m doing well, finding my footing.  Thanks for asking. How are you doing?

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39 comments

  1. Cancer Curmudgeon · May 18, 2014

    Glad you are back!

    Like

  2. Carolyn Mustian · May 18, 2014

    Thank you for updating. I think of you often even though we’ve only met in blogs. Congrats on the new adventures you have taken on and hope the home business continues to grow.

    Like

  3. Jackie Elliott · May 18, 2014

    I thought about your blog just last week. I enjoy reading your words. I keep up with you in other social media, but the posts are not detailed like they are here. Join me in growing your hair long and wild. Help me bust the myth that women over 50 have to have short, beauty shop hair and have to look like grandmas.

    Like

  4. John Jones · May 18, 2014

    All over the place? It’s supposed to be what ever the hell you want it to be. It’s your life that has been interrupted in so many bad ways, so you have the right to be all over the place or straight as an arrow. If it gives you any sort of peace or comfort, good! If not find something that does. I enjoy reading your blogs. Keep it going as often as you wish and any subject you wish.

    Like

  5. Elyse · May 18, 2014

    Good to see you — glad to hear you’re doing well.

    Like

  6. seasonedsistah2 · May 18, 2014

    Welcome back, thank you for the update, and happy to know you are feeling better.

    Like

  7. Biggles · May 18, 2014

    I loved it. I think it’s time for you to write a book.

    Like

  8. lightscanceraction · May 19, 2014

    Thank you for the update. While we have only met through blogging, I feel like I know you (at least part of you), and I have felt your pain along with you. I have thought of you often. I’m glad to hear that you are able to keep busy. I know for me, after the loss of my mom in February, keeping busy has kept me sane. You sound like you are doing as well as anyone could expect, and I appreciate your checking in and letting us know. We do care. Warm regards, Michele

    Like

    • mainelyhopeful · May 19, 2014

      Thanks, Michele. I know you “get it”. We have more than a few parallels in our lives, don’t we?

      Like

  9. lmarieallen · May 19, 2014

    That’s great about the business! What kind of business is it? I’d love to find something to do at home that would actually be profitable. I”m glad you’re staying busy and enjoying life.

    Like

    • mainelyhopeful · May 19, 2014

      I have a little on line business selling baby items on a few different venues. It’s a cheerful business to be in 🙂

      Like

  10. myeyesareuphere · May 19, 2014

    Susan, it’s always good to hear from you. It sounds like you are doing lots to help yourself heal from many deep wounds. Xoxoxo.-Elizabeth

    Like

  11. eddiesandcurrents · May 20, 2014

    Thank you for the update. Sending good vibes for this anniversary time. You really have been through it. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

    Like

  12. karen sutherland · May 23, 2014

    so glad you posted, it’s great to hear from you! moving forward from all you have been through ain’t easy, but it sounds as if you have been doing the work to keep putting one foot in front of the other AND finding contentment where you can. Karen xo

    Like

  13. miltonia10 · May 24, 2014

    So good to hear your words again. You really have an amazing way of expressing yourself, and your humour is unbeatable. Wish I owned a publishing company – I would be honoured to handle your books!!

    Like

  14. The movement we all waited for and longed is our last treatment and when it is done, we can’t believe it is here. Getting back to life without treatment and embracing everyday struggles can rekindle uneasy thoughts at times. Take for instance it took me 1 year to decide if I should dye my hair, that was developing a little gray streaks. I finally had the nerve to do it, this weekend. (black is back, and I love it) Years ago, I never would have to think is dying my hair a bad decision or not or asking my oncologist if it is safe to do so!!! Even though I did dye my hair, the fear of cancer from any cause swirls in the back of my mind. I refuse to let the cancer be front and center any more, it can stay hidden in the back of my conscious for good. And only surface when it can beneficial.

    Like

    • mainelyhopeful · May 26, 2014

      I’ve been dying for years and years before chemo and for the last 5, at least, I said if I could go gray without the growing out pains of gray/white roots and dark hair I would. Careful what you wish for, huh? 😉

      Like

  15. The Presents of Presence · May 27, 2014

    Susan! Sooo great to see your update! Sending you heartfelt hugs as always. Hoping the firsts in June will be bearable knowing that we are all thinking of you with quiet, understanding hugs. I’m proud of you ~ keep smiling. xo

    Like

  16. hopeforheather · May 29, 2014

    I’m so glad I found your blog again! It’s not connected to your Gravatar profile so I can’t ever click to it. I found you again on cancer kitten’s blog. YAY to find you again!

    Like

  17. tw · May 31, 2014

    Its good to see you back and to hear you’re doing well. You’re in my thoughts xoxo

    Like

  18. lightscanceraction · June 9, 2014

    I know you don’t blog regularly any more, but I still wanted to nominate you for the Very Inspirational Blogger Award. Your writing has always inspired me, and you have handled so much pain with grace. Check out my page for more info: http://lightscanceraction.wordpress.com/
    I hope you are well.

    Like

  19. Finch · September 19, 2014

    The abitily to think like that shows you’re an expert

    Like

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