… are kind of all over the place these days. First of all the job. Yeah. I may have made a mistake. Probably should have let the dust settle a little bit. I applied for this job exactly 3 weeks after my husband died. What the hell was I thinking? I guess I panicked a little regarding finances, insurance, etc. So.. here I am at 51 years old with 30 years experience working an entry level job for the insurance. Don’t get me wrong.. the job is okay.. nothing terribly interesting, but busy and I like that. Love my coworkers. The trouble you ask? Somewhere along the way, during the shit storm what was my life over the past two years, I seem to have lost my filter. Replacing it is on my short list (as in nevah gonna happen in this lifetime). I simply don’t care what I say and to whom. I just don’t. I don’t go out of my way to offend, but if you choose to be offended by something I say? Tuff shit. You can imagine how well that goes over in the work place. One of my coworkers thought I was a bit on the prissy side until I let loose with a string of expletives. She was relieved. It’s the hair. Fools em every time.
On the home front. Ever wish you could have one more conversation with a loved one that had passed on? Do you imagine it in your mind? I have these little one sided conversations all the time with my sister and my husband (not out loud, I haven’t turned the bend completely). They are usually mundane, every day things… nothing maudlin or sweetly out of character. Today I wish I could ask my beloved why he kept certain items. Like the princess tiara and the duck lips that sound like a kazoo. Yes. I tried them. Don’t judge me. It’s been a stressful week. I think I will wear them to work tomorrow. The lips, not the tiara. I’m saving that for special.