So last week I was nearly killed eating a creamy basil chicken and tortellini Lean Cuisine. I was munching away and bit into what felt like gristle.. first thought.. “gross!” second thought.. “huh.. it is real chicken” and then I tasted blood. I had a tiny little cut on the inside of my cheek from what turned out to be a shard of chicken bone. I cleaned off said death instrument, took pictures for evidence and threw away the remainder of the meal then took to social media. Having elicited no sympathy or offers to represent me in a million dollar lawsuit, I sent Lean Cuisine a private message through FB. I got a response with a phone number to call and case number. Now we’re getting somewhere. I called the number and spoke to a nice lady who offered the prerequisite number of “poor baby’s” and 3 free Lean Cuisines. Clearly they are trying to finish me off before I go (more) public. I declined the meals and was offered 12.00 instead. I sputtered “don’t you even care that I bit into a BONE?” “Of course we at Nestle (parent company of LC) care! You’re okay aren’t you ? (dammit.. I should have taken bloody cheek selfie) We are sending an email requesting pictures and a collection kit along with the 12.00 settlement.” I got the check and collection kit in the mail yesterday. It consisted of a manilla envelope, prepaid postage and plastic baggie. I was hoping for something a little more official seeming. Like, I don’t know.. plastic gloves, tamper free sample holder thingie.. Specimen collection kit, indeed #csiNestle
I just want to say, if I’m going to go in a food related incident it will be after a fantastic lobster and steak meal involving several vodka tonics. To be done in by a 3.00 freezer meal with no one but the resident, completely unsympathetic, animals as witness is just too horrible to consider.
I just have to ask. . do you really believe PP is selling baby parts? I can’t wrap my head around the stuff I’m seeing all over FB. Without getting into a moral discussion of abortion (not in favor) the vast majority are done in the first trimester when the fetus is the size of a kidney bean. This heavily edited “investigation” is all designed to shut down Planned Parenthood and when that happens the people who will suffer the most are low income women who will have no access to cancer screening, birth control, etc. Don’t the anti abortion folk understand that education and birth control prevent pregnancy which in turn prevents abortion? The (what tea party?) governor of my state is trying to prevent Maine Care (our version of Medicaid) from paying for birth control at the same time spouting off about Welfare Reform. This shit is going to give me an aneurysm and who’s going to clean that up? Again.. not against Welfare Reform.. I know there is a lot of room for improvement ….but not paying for birth control for the very population we want to see off Welfare? Because God knows a handful of unwanted pregnancies is all the encouragement a low income family needs to throw off the shackles of government hand out and head out into the world of low paying jobs and expensive daycare. I hate to point fingers at one political party in particular.. but really GOP? Seriously?
And one more thing as long as I’m at it.. why can’t I be sad about Cecil without being accused of not caring about babies? To people that sit around all day waiting for someone to take up a cause so they can immediately compare it to abortion and proof! that we are all going to hell in a handbasket because we dared express sorrow over the douchebaggery of some wealthy asshole with nothing better to do than kill innocent animals… maybe you should spend the time you devote to making up stories like “Liberal Democrats want to pass a law that babies can be killed up to age 4” doing some volunteer work. Might I suggest working with young unwed mothers with no access to healthcare and birth control, abused children or animals… and leave the rhetoric to someone with two brain cells to rub together? Stepping off my soapbox now and enjoying this beautiful day. Hope you all do, too.
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