#CSINestle

So last week I was nearly killed eating a creamy basil chicken and tortellini Lean Cuisine.  I was munching away and bit into what felt like gristle.. first thought.. “gross!”  second thought.. “huh.. it is real chicken”  and then I tasted blood.  I had a tiny little cut on the inside of my cheek from what turned out to be a shard of chicken bone. I cleaned off said death instrument, took pictures for evidence and threw away the remainder of the meal then took to social media.  Having elicited no sympathy or offers to represent me in a million dollar lawsuit, I sent Lean Cuisine a private message through FB. I got a response with a phone number to call and case number.  Now we’re getting somewhere.  I called the number and spoke to a nice lady who offered the prerequisite number of “poor baby’s” and 3 free Lean Cuisines.  Clearly they are trying to finish me off before I go (more) public.  I declined the meals and was offered 12.00 instead.  I sputtered “don’t you even care that I bit into a BONE?”  “Of course we at Nestle (parent company of LC) care!  You’re okay aren’t you ? (dammit.. I should have taken bloody cheek selfie) We are sending an email requesting pictures and a collection kit along with the 12.00 settlement.”   I got the check and collection kit in the mail yesterday. It consisted of a manilla envelope, prepaid postage and plastic baggie.   I was hoping for something a little more official seeming.  Like, I don’t know.. plastic gloves, tamper free sample holder thingie..    Specimen collection kit, indeed  #csiNestle

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I just want to say, if I’m going to go in a food related incident it will be after a fantastic lobster and steak meal involving several vodka tonics.   To be done in by a 3.00 freezer meal with no one but the resident, completely unsympathetic, animals as witness is just too horrible to consider.