I was reading a blog this morning by keepthecalm, where she mentions the laundry list of drugs she is on and I had to comment. We spend a life time avoiding cancer causing poisons. Stay out of the sun, don’t eat foods with tons of additives, watch what you put in your body and on your body, eat organic, load up on antioxidants, etc. etc. You would have to live under a rock to not know all the things that cause cancer. Yet, you get cancer anyway. You do all the right things, you try to eat right and exercise, get plenty of rest, and either family genetics or just bad luck sneak up on you and bite you on the ass. Some things you just can’t predict, avoid or outrun. The irony is in the cure. To combat the cancer you voluntarily allow doctors to pump you full of poisons on a regular basis for months. You lie still while they blast you with (cancer causing) radiation, you subject yourself to MRIs, xrays and full body scans.. more radiation, more over a few months period than many people have in a lifetime. You read the short and long term side effects of the medications and find out that many cause cancer. Yup.. I will cure my breast cancer, but now I’m at a higher risk for uterine and ovarian cancer. My previously healthy heart may be weakened by the chemotherapy, I could have long term numbness of the hands and feet. Yet what real choice do I or any of us have? Better to kill the devil we know than worry about the one that may or may not rear it’s ugly head down the road. And if it does, we will use more poisons to kill that one and worry about the long term effects of those.
The makings of a summer blockbuster? A country hit? Nope, just chemo-dreamin. I’ve always had kind of vivid dreams, sometimes even serial dreams when I couldn’t wait to go to sleep to see what would happen next. I’ve woken up so pissed off at someone that I was sure they would give me a good reason by the end of the day so I just went with the feelings. Those were daydreams compared to today’s double feature. I would describe my dreams in greater detail, but on the off chance one of my doctors stumbles across this blog I don’t want to be subject to psychiatric testing. Not that there is anything wrong with that. The other day a friend described a vivid, confusing dream about her son. I teased her and asked what she ate before bed. I didn’t eat anything particularly strange but I am on day 6 of my treatment and after two infusions I can safely say days 5 and 6 are when I am going to feel my worse. My “worse” though is not nearly as bad as some people experience on their best day, so I’m trying really hard not to whine too much. I spent the afternoon watching mindless television until I could doze off. This included about 20 minutes of Toddlers and Tiaras which will be a rant for another day. Those mothers… ay yi yi.. I took an Aleve for pain and an Ativan just because. The Ativan was prescribed for nausea but has also been prescribed for anxiety. I had neither. I knew it would knock me out and that it did. Okay, maybe it was the Ativan and not the chemo? Or maybe it was just me? In any event, my dreams were interesting enough to remember, crazy enough to be disturbing and kind of fun. I’m anxious to go to sleep tonight. Sweet dreams!