I’m no math genius but I always thought numbers should make sense and be orderly and neat.  I had my genetics counseling/testing meeting yesterday and honestly, I wish I had skipped it.  I have never felt like a doctor was rooting for the cancer until that moment. Having been given all the “stats” I came away with we are hoping for a positive BRCA  because a negative is basically meaningless and would mean convincing others in the family to be tested until we get the desired (??) results of a positive. The pros and cons of testing were laid out, it was suggested I postpone radiation (not gonna happen) until the results are in. I pointed out I would be more than halfway done by then. I was told results had to be given in person (did I mention I will be in the middle of radiation at that time?). I was told if I’m positive my risk for recurrence is 4-10.3%. My current risk for recurrence after treatment is 10%.  I’m supposed to have a mastectomy based on an increased risk of .3%.  This was when then numbers started swimming in front of my eyes .   I’m okay with having an oophorectomy based on increased risk of ovarian cancer but I already have, and am dealing with, breast cancer.  Lynch syndrome was brought up. Apparently I am not at risk but someone, somewhere in the family might be based on more numbers and statistics. I was starting to feel responsible for getting family members to be tested based on stats and probabilities. How would those conversations with the more distant relatives go? “I’m not sure you remember me, but I have breast cancer and I think you should be tested for Lynch Syndrome. What? I have no idea. Look it up”. At the end of all this counseling I was asked how I would proceed with my treatment if positive. I said exactly as I am now.  Then I was asked if I wanted the test while the person asking was nodding their head in the affirmative.  I found myself agreeing and before I knew it I was in the lab.  The very second my blood was drawn I started regretting it.  I really wish I had slept on it. I may have still gone along, but I wish I had thought it through, discussed it with my oncologist or just tried to let the numbers settle a bit.