side effects

If you are a fan of irony

Posted on by mainelyhopeful

I was reading a blog this morning by keepthecalm, where she mentions the laundry list of drugs she is on and I had to comment.  We spend a life time avoiding cancer causing poisons.  Stay out of the sun, don’t eat foods with tons of additives, watch what you put in your body and on your body, eat organic, load up on antioxidants, etc. etc. You would have to live under a rock to not know all the things that cause cancer.  Yet, you get cancer anyway. You do all the right things, you try to eat right and exercise, get plenty of rest, and either family genetics or just bad luck sneak up on you and bite you on the ass. Some things you just can’t predict, avoid or outrun.  The irony is in the cure.  To combat the cancer you voluntarily allow doctors to pump you full of poisons on a regular basis for months. You lie still while they blast you with (cancer causing) radiation, you subject yourself  to MRIs, xrays and full body scans.. more radiation,  more over a few months period than many people have in a lifetime. You read the short and long term side effects of the medications and find out that many cause cancer. Yup.. I will cure my breast cancer, but now I’m at a higher risk for uterine and ovarian cancer.  My previously healthy heart may be weakened by the chemotherapy, I could have long term numbness of the hands and feet. Yet what real choice do I or any of us have?  Better to kill the devil we know than worry about the one that may or may not rear it’s ugly head down the road. And if it does, we will use more poisons to kill that one and worry about the long term effects of those.

The ball dropped..

Posted on by mainelyhopeful

And so did my misguided sense that I would escape all the unpleasantness of chemo. New Year’s Eve was my first day off the steroids and by evening I was alternating between spending time in the bathroom and curled up in a ball with shaking chills and body aches.  Felt like the worse flu ever.  I spent a mostly sleepless night and then gave up and was in the recliner by 5 a.m. where I spent the better part of New Year’s Day feeling sorry for myself, missing a family party.  It was a beautiful, unseasonably warm day here and my husband tried to lure me outside with a bonfire. I did watch a little from the window.  By late afternoon I was feeling a lot better and attempted to make dinner. We bbq’d turkey burgers and I managed one bite before I decided to have sherbet for dinner, a repeat of lunch.  By the time I went to bed I felt really well, just extremely tired.  In my delirium the night before (only a slight exaggeration) I completely forgot about the Imodium I had been told to have on hand. When I remembered it at noon, one dose was all it took.  I won’t be forgetting that again!  Now that I have a sense of what to expect and when, I think I will be better prepared next round.

Today I get a do-over. This is my New Year and we are clearing out 2011, packing away Christmas to start. Tomorrow, it’s life as usual. I’ve spent enough time anticipating and dreading symptoms that may or may not come, only to be blindsided when they do.   If one miserable night is as bad as it gets, I’ve totally got this! Happy New Year.

Day three and the horrible terribleness remains at bay

Posted on by mainelyhopeful

So far so good as far as side effects. I took the anti-emetics religiously the day of chemo and all of day 2. This morning I woke up feeling pretty good and decided to only take as needed and so far one slight feeling of nausea was quelled with a hard peppermint candy. The steroid is making me a little hyper so I did a bit of housework. Enough to feel useful and to use later as a “poor me” if I need to pull one out.. win/win.  I am so hungry on the steroid and trying not to give in to that. If I have to have cancer I should at least get the benefit of weight loss. Dammit. Tomorrow is my last day for the steroid until next round so I think I can maintain some control. We shall see.   My biggest fret is my hair today.  I feel it tingling and itching and I know it will be jumping ship soon. I have wigs and hats, scarves, turbans, so I’m ready.  I’m debating helping it along to be done with it. Then I get thinking maybe it will just thin for a while and if I shave I will have horrible itchy stubble.  My family is no help with this decision.  I guess when the mister is busy snaking out the drain he may wish he had been willing to yield the razor!

One down….

Posted on by mainelyhopeful

Today was my first chemotherapy treatment and it went well. I arrived with my “chemo bag”.. a red canvas Trader Joe’s shopping bag with a notebook and pen, novel, Kindle Fire and a hand made breast cancer awareness blanket given to me by an aunt. I was ready for anything.  It was not nearly the horrible experience I had built up in my mind over the past few days. One big concern to me was my port a cath. It was placed 30 days ago today. I had read that if unused it should be flushed every 2 weeks. I have had blood draws and a MUGA scan since it was placed and no one seemed eager to access it. I could have insisted I suppose but hey, if the chick with the fat needle is hesitant to stab a foreign body embedded in my chest, who am I to argue?  I mentioned to the RN who was doing my blood draw today that it was virgin territory. She seemed surprised but didn’t say too much. After swabbing and anesthetizing it she told me to take a deep breath on 3 and plunged the needle right in.  It was no more painful than any other needle stick and worked beautifully. She told me afterwards that she shared my concerns and it should have been flushed within 3 days of implant. Ooops.

Next I had a nursing assessment and then met with my Oncologist. They both went over everything again and answered all of my questions. I find it helps to keep a notebook. I also learned that the Tumor Board has recommended me for genetic counseling. I’m not sure when that will take place.

I was placed in a private room as all the bays were full. I was very comfortable, the nurse was attentive and again explained each step and took time to answer any question I had.  I was given lunch and ate while the anti nausea drugs, steroid and saline were being introduced. Then 2 vials of Adriamycin over 5 minutes and finally Cytoxin for 30. I felt very little in the way of side effects. At the end of the last infusion my sinuses stung a little, like the sensation you get when chlorinated water goes up your nose while swimming. The sensation comes and goes, but is not very bothersome and I don’t expect it to last. There was also a slight metallic taste in my mouth that honestly I did not even notice until the nurse asked if I was experiencing it. I have a laundry list of anti-emetics at my disposal and am taking them on a schedule to hopefully avoid paying homage to the porcelain gods.

I have a list of possible side effects and was told to keep track of and report anything. Anything?  hmmm … I planted myself in the recliner of dread when I came home and waited for the horrible terribleness.  After 30 minutes I became bored and watched 2 episodes of Six Feet Under.  After 2 and a half hours in a reclining position preceded by a 40 minute car ride preceded by an afternoon on a hospital bed I noticed my hips and legs were aching.  I considered writing it down, but then decided I probably needed to just get up off my ass and move around.

I moved from the recliner to my computer desk where I have been enjoying a cup of wonton soup while writing down my experiences. Now it’s off to a hot bubblebath.   All in all, not a bad day at all.

…. fifteen to go