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A certain glow

Posted on by mainelyhopeful

Two full weeks out from my final radiation treatment, I feel well. Still kind of tired at times. Lately I am in bed between 9 and 10 pm, where I have a standing date with Barnabus Collins via my little Kindle Fire (I still have not read one book on it and my pile(s) of hard covers continues to grow).  I usually last through one or two episodes, then it’s lights out.   I wake up feeling refreshed, no aches and pains until mid afternoon when I start to walk like I’m 90 years old.  A cat nap fixes me right up.  All in all, no complaints.

Yesterday we had a celebratory lunch at a restaurant owned by a close  family friend.  She and her daughter told me how good I looked. That I glowed.  My response was “that’s the radiation!”. Later that evening I was blaming my “glow” on hot flashes. I imagine it’s a combination of the two.  Or it could be that my new feeling of wellness actually does show on my face. In any event, it was nice to hear. Even if family and friends are contractually obligated to tell you how great you look at the end of cancer treatments.

I have been losing time again. As in I have to look at a calendar several times a week to remember the day of the week, date, etc.   I don’t think it’s remnants of chemo brain so much as time this past year, particularly the last two months, has ceased to exist in any meaningful way other than how many more months, weeks, days to the end of treatment and how many days, weeks, and now months, it has been since my sister passed away.  I’m trying really hard not to focus on how many years (!)  until I can truly say I beat this and be certain.

Can we just talk about my colonoscopy?

Posted on by mainelyhopeful

I cannot believe you even opened this.  Why would you want to read about that?  It happened. The end.

In other news, life is slowly returning to some semblance of normal. Last week I had the above mentioned date with a man and his colonoscope, which took up more of my week than it should have.  That was my first week post treatment and it just seemed like business as usual. This weekend we went out for dinner and a movie and had a great time with family and friends enjoying a lobster bake and being treated to an air show.  I realized at some point over the last couple of days that next week I can actually make plans, do as I please, be spontaneous (hey! it could happen) or do nothing at all. I was asked to accompany my mother to the coast for a business appointment and I quickly did a mental inventory of what my week looked like and it was like this  [                                          ]  a blank canvas. No appointments. No one drawing blood, inspecting skin, zapping me, poking me, asking all sorts of intimate questions that are, quite frankly, none of their business.  I’m not sure what to do with all of this new found freedom. There is a lot I should do, but once I fill that time up with busy work it’s no longer a lovely white space to do as I please in.  I want to turn calendar pages that are clean and white with no appointments penciled in. Just rows of empty uniform little squares to fill however I like.  I could get used to this.

oh! and my Bucket List is coming along nicely.  With the help of Thing 1 and his lovely wife I will be a grandmother around tax day!   I guess the rest of the list is up to me. Unless someone wants to get a tattoo for me?  No?   sigh

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