Forgiveness

for·give·ness
ˌfərˈɡivnəs/
noun
  1. the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.
    “she is quick to ask forgiveness when she has overstepped the line”
    synonyms: pardonabsolutionexonerationremissiondispensationindulgenceclemencymercy;

    reprieveamnesty;
    archaicshrift
    “we beg your forgiveness”If

     

     

    If you are human, you have likely asked for and been asked for forgiveness.  We all sometimes hurt someone’s feelings inadvertently or maybe even on purpose, take something without asking, cut someone off in conversation.. little transgressions or big ones. Some people find themselves begging forgiveness in a court of law.  And if  you are a believer you ask forgiveness often and know it is given.

     

    I was recently asked for forgiveness in a well rehearsed, very dramatic video.  I listened all the way through but could not watch after the first few minutes.  I am struggling with this. I do forgive, because I have to for my own peace of mind but am I obligated to forget?  Am I supposed to act like this person did not break my heart, destroy my sense of security, shatter my trust and actively attempt to destroy relationships with the few family members I have left?  All out of childishness, spite and a very distorted sense of entitlement.  Do I ignore the timing?  There were many, many opportunities to clear the air.  I waited patiently, was treated to more abuse and harassment, manipulations and twisting of facts until I finally said no more and put it all in my past and started to heal.  And now because their situation has changed and they are looking to “reconnect” the band-aid gets ripped off and I’m bleeding out again.

Forgive and forget?  nah. Forgive and move on.

 

 

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Why I’m the better man than you.

And “you” know who you are. I’ve known you since I was 18, my husband since he was 5. You were in my wedding. We have many friends in common. When my husband died I heard nothing from you. Nada. Nor did his children, the oldest, btw, who you knew since birth. You were still stinging, apparently, from a class reunion during which he mentioned your high school nickname. A nickname that everyone knew. He may have gone overboard with a riff worthy of Robin Williams – may he rest in peace – (and believe me, he heard about it when we got home), but you and I both know he didn’t have a mean bone in his body. He was mortified that you were hurt and tried over and over to make amends. You, on the other hand, have always been on the spiteful side. As anyone who has ever worked for or dated you can attest.

A few months ago I was helping my good friend with her catering business and I happened to work the Chamber luncheon. You walked in, took one look at me, and walked away. I was the invisible help. Whatever.

Tonight you tried to ignore me again and it worked until you were on your way past us a second time and my mom spoke up. You couldn’t ignore her. Then, you looked me in the face, feigned surprise and said “oh yeah. Sue”. Really? wtf was that? oh yeah? STILL not a mention of my loss, no inquiry of the children, my mother in law? me? You did see fit to share that you are “happy” and “actually had a good round of golf today”, to which I did not reply “fuck you”. So. I am the better man.