Why I’m the better man than you.

And “you” know who you are. I’ve known you since I was 18, my husband since he was 5. You were in my wedding. We have many friends in common. When my husband died I heard nothing from you. Nada. Nor did his children, the oldest, btw, who you knew since birth. You were still stinging, apparently, from a class reunion during which he mentioned your high school nickname. A nickname that everyone knew. He may have gone overboard with a riff worthy of Robin Williams – may he rest in peace – (and believe me, he heard about it when we got home), but you and I both know he didn’t have a mean bone in his body. He was mortified that you were hurt and tried over and over to make amends. You, on the other hand, have always been on the spiteful side. As anyone who has ever worked for or dated you can attest.

A few months ago I was helping my good friend with her catering business and I happened to work the Chamber luncheon. You walked in, took one look at me, and walked away. I was the invisible help. Whatever.

Tonight you tried to ignore me again and it worked until you were on your way past us a second time and my mom spoke up. You couldn’t ignore her. Then, you looked me in the face, feigned surprise and said “oh yeah. Sue”. Really? wtf was that? oh yeah? STILL not a mention of my loss, no inquiry of the children, my mother in law? me? You did see fit to share that you are “happy” and “actually had a good round of golf today”, to which I did not reply “fuck you”. So. I am the better man.



  1. John Jones · August 14, 2014

    Why hold back? It bothers you, so get it out. Don’t let the Son Of A Bitch off. Make yourself feel better. You felt like saying “Fuck You” and you should have. Having been a classmate of Hanks, I can only wonder who this person was. If it makes any difference, I have found that most of the people that I went to school with have given me and my wife the cold shoulder since moving back here after we retired. They say you can’t go back, and I find it pretty much true. Hank had invited me to one of the holiday gatherings that he and a group used to have before the holidays. I felt like a stranger amongst people who I thought were my friends. Sure I left here right out of high school to find a life for myself, but so what? That makes me an outcast? I did not bother to attend any further gatherings, nor will I in the future. You, Sue, should do what ever floats your boat when it comes to this person. I sure would like to know who was such an asshole to my friends widow.


    • mainelyhopeful · August 14, 2014

      If I had I wouldn’t be the better man 😉 I’m sorry you had that experience, John.


  2. rachaelsladylumps · August 14, 2014

    And even with your trials the past 2 years and your heartbreaking loss…you are most likely happier inside than that person can ever dream to be.


  3. lightscanceraction · August 15, 2014

    I’m not surprised you were the better man. I probably would have done the same, but I bet it would have been nice to let the “fuck you” fly! It’s really a shame people have to be like that, and just be grateful you are not him. Hugs!


    • mainelyhopeful · August 15, 2014

      That’s why I blog. To keep a reign on the fuck you’s out in public 😀


  4. Jean · August 15, 2014

    When you leave a small town after high school to go to school or start a career, it seems pretty common to go back after retirement. At least on a summer time basis in the north land. A lot of people still have their high school nicknames. I find that charming & a link back to simpler times. Now if the name was “shithead” or something like that, probably not so enjoyable. But it’s still a walk down memory lane. Don’t sweat the small stuff. You know the big stuff already. Cherish your “real” friends.


  5. Laura Renegar · August 15, 2014

    Great post and great attitude. Flick that dude off of you like a dead bug. Loser!


  6. tinajuvonen · August 15, 2014

    well done you, you took the high road, always the strongest position. Now to be able to let it go, always a problem for me…


  7. karen sutherland · August 16, 2014

    dear Sue,

    the combination of disbelief, the “why?” of a person’s complete indifference in the face of all you have been through would warrant a “fuck you!”, but you were able to stifle yourself, and remain dignified. I am glad you wrote about it and hope it was even a little therapeutic. I think of you often.


    • mainelyhopeful · August 17, 2014

      Very therapeutic but if I were truly dignified I wouldn’t have let it bother me. I’m a work in progress 🙂


  8. Elyse · August 17, 2014

    It is always better to let assholes stew in their own juices. Well done.


  9. myeyesareuphere · August 18, 2014

    Wow, Susan, just wow.


  10. miltonia10 · August 18, 2014

    He is a thoughtless, cold, narcissistic scum bag! But I’m glad you took the high road and the moron probably doesn’t even know it.


  11. gozzygirl · August 18, 2014

    Live your life as you want to and don’ let others bring you down!. I met someone while on my adventure in Germany. After a while she shared with me that her fiance had died of melanoma that returned and spread to his liver. Most of his friends abandoned him. My two sisters did the same with me, never once offering support. When I look back at my life before cancer, I realize that I could have done things differently when people I knew (not good friends, but more than acquaintances) had to deal with cancer.


  12. The Presents of Presence · February 8, 2015

    You are not only the better man, you are a goddess xoxo


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