hair loss

A new attitude

Posted on by mainelyhopeful

After my first treatment I kind of went into self preservation mode where I rested most of the day waiting for side effects to hit me. When they did, about 4 days in, I was so “weak” from basically doing nothing that I think they were worse than they might have been. The side effects only lasted less than 2 days but it was nearly another full week before I had any energy at all. I was really wiped.  The doctors tell me to do whatever I did last time because I’m doing great medically, but I think I can do better. This time around I am remaining active until my body tells me to rest.  I’ve been up for hours at the computer, will do a small work out soon and putter around the house. If I’m tired later I will throw in a video, but try not to sleep the day away.  The last time my husband was on vacation and my girls were here on break from school so I literally didn’t have to lift a finger. This time around I am feeling more independent and let’s face it, if there is no one to hear you, what’s the point in whining? The dogs are adept at ignoring me.

And my life is ridiculous moment of the day….  I just spent an hour grooming my head with a lint roller.

Mixed messages

Posted on by mainelyhopeful

Anyone else getting mixed messages from your docs?  I saw my surgeon for my final postop visit. Everything is healing well so he has discharged me, except not… I can call if I have any further problems without waiting for referral, I have a “Fast Pass”.  My followups will be at the Cancer Center when my treatments are done, except I should see him yearly to remain an active patient, but there really isn’t any need since my follow ups will be at the Cancer Center, but I can, but I don’t have to.   Clear as mud. Since there are obvious changes in my breast from surgery I asked if there would be more and when I would know the “new normal”  as far as doing self breast exams. He said there was no proof that self exams did any good.  (WHAT???) or mammograms for that matter.  I reminded him that I found this lump myself. So I should do them. Or not. Apparently it’s up to me.  I skipped my mammo last year based on the new protocol that every other year is sufficient and look where that got me.  It wouldn’t have changed the reality of the cancer, but it would have been caught earlier and maybe it would not have spread and I could have avoided the chemo. We’ll never know.  I’ve had similar conversations with Oncology.  For instance, when asking about side effects I get the standard “Everyone’s different” and then in the next breath.. “You WILL experience (fill in the blank)”.  And usually it’s the one side effect you hope to be spared .. like hair loss.

I’ve heard of chemo brain, but I thought that was supposed to affect the patient, not their providers. That being said, I really do like my doctors and my surgeon ended the visit by telling me I look remarkably well for someone undergoing chemo and pretended he didn’t know I was wearing a wig by asking if I had experienced any hair loss yet. You gotta love that.

Snatched bald

Posted on by mainelyhopeful

Literally.  So disregard my previous post about screwing with their stats by keeping my hair. Chemo won this round.  After yet another night of feeling the pillow and my head fairly obsessively I decided to vigorously brush to help things along.  I got an impressive amount of hair but now my scalp felt tender. So I started “gently” pulling out handfuls.  Yikes..now I looked like a plucked chicken.  I considered leaving the down as cushioning under my wig, but I needed to even things off. After a quick trim I thought what the hell and took the electric razor to it.  The good news is my head is not horribly misshapen like I have long suspected.  The stubble is minimal and I read a lint roller can take care of that.  I am rocking the Sinead O’Connor!

Looking ahead to spring though.. after this round of chemo I start another that will mean weekly treatments, so basically no recovery time in between. I was thinking at least I can sit out on my deck with a book or putter in the garden when I feel up to it. But no.. with this one (Taxol) I need to stay out of the sun. Completely. Lovely.  After a winter in Maine I’m white. Blindingly so. I am also now bald. Spring 2012 will find me rocking the Powder. Anyone know where I can get some blue shades?

Can you NOT?

Posted on by mainelyhopeful

Dear Dr. Can you not tell me every damn time we meet that my hair is going to fall out? From my very first post diagnostic visit I have been reminded that I will lose my hair at every appointment, by every nurse, doctor, coordinator.  I realize this is very traumatic for most women and I doubt I will be any different when it happens to me, no matter how prepared I think am, but really? you feel the need to mention it ad nauseum?  Does the “yes I know”  “I have wigs, scarves, hats and turbans ready” or “I’m as prepared as can be” not register to you?  Why not just throw in “by the way, you have breast cancer” each time too, in case it’s escaped my thoughts for a nanosecond?  I had my first post chemo visit yesterday. I was feeling great, my numbers were good, I had plans to eat out and shop afterwards with my daughter.  At the end of the visit Dr. Doom asks what day it is again? I say Day 11. “Oh, well your hair is going to fall out in clumps now” and describes how it will feel.  I spent the rest of the day feeling like there were a million little invisible bugs crawling around my scalp ready to uproot my hair and throw down.  I envisioned myself standing in line at the bank while my hair fell out in waves and the branch manager discreetly followed me to the counter with broom and dustpan.  Last night I woke up every few hours and felt my head and pillow for signs of baldness. By morning I had myself convinced I can’t leave the house now until “it” happens.  Screw that. I’m keeping my hair just to mess with their stats.

 

Day three and the horrible terribleness remains at bay

Posted on by mainelyhopeful

So far so good as far as side effects. I took the anti-emetics religiously the day of chemo and all of day 2. This morning I woke up feeling pretty good and decided to only take as needed and so far one slight feeling of nausea was quelled with a hard peppermint candy. The steroid is making me a little hyper so I did a bit of housework. Enough to feel useful and to use later as a “poor me” if I need to pull one out.. win/win.  I am so hungry on the steroid and trying not to give in to that. If I have to have cancer I should at least get the benefit of weight loss. Dammit. Tomorrow is my last day for the steroid until next round so I think I can maintain some control. We shall see.   My biggest fret is my hair today.  I feel it tingling and itching and I know it will be jumping ship soon. I have wigs and hats, scarves, turbans, so I’m ready.  I’m debating helping it along to be done with it. Then I get thinking maybe it will just thin for a while and if I shave I will have horrible itchy stubble.  My family is no help with this decision.  I guess when the mister is busy snaking out the drain he may wish he had been willing to yield the razor!