So is this supposed to make me a better person?

I read these blogs by cancer survivors and other women just starting out on their own journey as I am and it seems like there is so much hope and inspiration I want to just soak it up like a sponge. There is plenty of sadness too and while I don’t turn away from that.. I just don’t claim it as mine.  I am not particularly religious, though I do consider myself spiritual. I have a faith in God that never waivered even as I walked away from my childhood church and I know I am being prayed for by people with much greater faith than my own and I am grateful for that. Maybe this is my test?  Maybe I am supposed to learn patience?  I have no idea …but today I would have been happy to learn where the item I needed to ship out was after promising it would go today. I wish I hadn’t had a small melt down and decided to shut down my business if I was going to have to ask for help finding things (I didn’t, but the possibility remains)  I would love to be this always calm and serene patient not causing any trouble to those around me, soft spoken and sweet and always thankful.   But get real.. I had a lumpectomy, not a lobotomy.