You may as well laugh at yourself.

Everyone else is.

So, the ongoing saga of my wrist splints aka carpal tunnel versus neuropathy.  The first night I wore them I had no numbness at all, the second night just a bit in my pinky.  Thursday I had a bad day.. just felt like crap in general, spent most of the afternoon and evening on the couch, so by the time I went to bed my back was killing me, I wasn’t tired after dozing off and on all day and I tossed and turned for hours.  Around 3 a.m. I woke up and my hands were completely numb.  I couldn’t feel them at all. And I had to pee.  I sat there in a panic flailing my left hand to get the blood circulating while ripping at the velcro straps of my right hand splint with my teeth.  I finally managed to get them off and get the feeling back in my hands, went to the bathroom and then came back to bed and lay there panicking that the chemo would be discontinued now.  I got myself all worked up Image.  I thought I may as cancel the radiation too, have a bilateral mastectomy and be done with it. (Now mind you, at no point in time was I ever told I had to have chemo to save my life. It was more of an insurance against recurrence. I could have opted for just radiation after surgery.   I have had 4 rounds of dose dense AC, and 7 of 12 rounds of Taxol.  That’s a whole lot of chemo. But.. while I was initially more afraid of the chemo than the cancer, now I am afraid to stop.)   All of these thoughts kept me awake and Friday I was dragging all day.  I went to bed Friday night and while putting on my splints, realized I had worn them backwards the night before, essentially cutting off the circulation to my hands. Honestly, I should never be left alone with devices of any kind.  I am happy to report that Friday and Saturday night I had no numbness at all.  The splints do go flying in the wee hours when a hot flash hits and I can’t stand them, but they are working.  When my oncologist asks how they are working out I will say “Fine” and leave it at that. If she wants to know what’s going on with me, she can read my blog. I want to continue the treatment if I can, but if she feels I’ve had enough that’s cool too. I’m all zen and shit about the whole thing now.

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14 comments

  1. eddiesandcurrents · May 6, 2012

    I’ve done that several times – worked myself into anxiety much beyond the actual situation. I see that as something this cancer journey has helped me with. Not to go straight into worst-case scenario. Sending good vibes to you as you get through this last round of chemo.

    Like

    • mainelyhopeful · May 6, 2012

      Breast cancer has certainly unleashed my inner drama queen. I think we should all get tiaras when we complete our treatment.

      Like

  2. Tracey · May 6, 2012

    Hysterical. I was i the same boat as you… I wasn’t told to do chemo. I could have done surgery and radiation alone. So kudos for making the tough choice. And kudos for being all zen and shit. You gotta be. And you gotta laugh. Stay strong!

    Like

    • mainelyhopeful · May 6, 2012

      I will probably always wonder if I did more harm than good having chemo, but the odds are definitely better with it than without.

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      • Tracey · May 7, 2012

        By the time you get to the end, you won’t be wondering any more. You’ll just be glad it’s over with.

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  3. Susan · May 6, 2012

    Bless you Susan you always put a smile on my face. Even in your direst moments you manage to find a way to make us all feel like a sister as I am sure we have all done the same thing at times. I went to the movie theatre with my son and whilst we were standing in line all I wanted to do was rip my darned sleeve and glove right off because I was so HOT. I know these things are in place to help us but did I ever know what you meant when they said they go flying during the night!

    Like

    • mainelyhopeful · May 6, 2012

      Omg.. a whole sleeve during a hot flash. Those don’t come off quickly do they?

      Like

      • Susan · May 7, 2012

        I amaze myself sometimes how fast I can get that thing off!!!

        Like

  4. Laura Renegar · May 8, 2012

    Sometimes laughter is the best medicine. And someday, you really will look back on this time period and be proud of yourself for being able to laugh in such a hard part of your life. Chemo is a bear and you are doing great ! Keep up the laughter and keep up the positive thoughts and be thankful your chemo is preventative ! As you have already found out, things can always be so much worse ! Always….hang tough and keep laughing. 🙂

    Like

  5. Off My Chest · May 25, 2012

    Luckily, after the double mastectomy, I won’t need chemo, just radiation. Ha! Just radiation? As usual, you left me laughing. Thanks.

    Like

    • mainelyhopeful · May 26, 2012

      Glad you can avoid the chemo. You’ll miss out on the cookies though 😉

      Like

  6. valerianfields · September 15, 2012

    My new goal: To be all zen and shit. 🙂

    Like

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